In your fond memory

The first time you were gifted to me, little did I imagine what you will end up being in my life....As I cradled you in my lap that day, admiring your pretty face, with a tinge of smile as I waved my hand past you, you touched my fingers tenderly....We tangled our hands and we set off to tread together....Since then I can hardly think of a time when you were not with me....You have seen me during all seasons....vibrant during the spring of joy, jubilant at the breeze of success, ripped off by misery, pensive during a recovery and melancholic while fighting with segregation....I filled you with my senses, I filled you with my words....There you carry with yourself the black stain of smudged kohl that oozed with my tears when I suffered the first heartbreak.Like an unfailing friend you bore all the words with which I filled the space between us....There you have all the scribbles which I unleashed when I first tried my hand on poetry.........You were the only one to witness me trying to catch up Celine Dion "Every night in my dreams" at the onset of another spring in my life....And you were the only one to see me ugly and timid when fate left my hand........You knew even the darkest secrets of my life....My pleasant dreams, my secret crushes, my latent anguish, my unsaid despair....From the sins I committed to the victories I established, you had all of me!!!....You, in the true sense, are the only soul mate I can have....
I can recall the time when I flunked in my Physics test and returned embarrassed by the show of my failure. I retreated back to my den, held you in my arms and sobbed...Kid as I was then, I just pulled you closer to my chest and found solace in your surreal presence.....There was the time when the first hymns of 'Jibonmukhi' inspired me to play with lyrics, lyrics that could have been a poetry of folly for many a minds but you preserved them like ballads of our love story!! You possessed the rose petals that caressed my  face during that kiss in the rain and you contained the solitude that gripped me during the days I had to obliterate the magical ecstasy  which molded the then-so-genuine emotions....You portrayed my juvenile wishes and the innocence that lingered with them and you also express the gradual disappearance of the unsullied child who used to fly kites in the crimson of the setting sun.........Yes, I have emancipated her as she deserves no place in the museum of sensibilities.....
You gazed with open eyes the relentless trail of tangy water which were flowing freely the day my heart was bruised at Dada's demise. Only you halted for me at that harrowing hour even when the rest of my world learnt how to move on even being pulled back by strings which were voluntarily tied. There you were... There I were and there was serene night with silvery lunar dim light.....Even those years passed by......Sands of time!
I'm delirious now of those times when your mere presence was the key to my gaining hope and will for a new sunrise even in the most tumultuous storm of life. Because you had the assets of my life... Because my feelings became tangible when they were within you and you became the true imagery of my entity......
I have been  disgrateful at times, becoming oblivious of your existence when happy ripples and jovial people summoned me to mingle in their revelry. But you never took them to your heart.... You were benevolent, forgiving.....You were wonderful! You speak of my life....Even days ago as your brittle yellow leaves creaked when they were disturbed they took my name....Now that you ruptured entirely, I am left with an inexplicable enigmatic unsurity.....Where to find nostalgia again? Where to get hold of 19 long years?.....Nowhere....Because I said before....You had it all, you had all of me.......
p.s.: My dear notebook just passed away this night.....She was the truest friend I ever had.....Let her soul rest in peace within the paradise of all the love my heart can provide...People might say it belonged with me but to clarify dear ones it was I who belonged with her! Bidding adieu at this touchy hour....Amen!

Do You Remember?

Do you remember the time we first met?
Not at a distant island during sunset
Not at a dim light cafe with jazzy music
But at the crossroads of life.....So very prosaic!

Do you remember the time we dreamt with eyes wide open?

And wrote our name across the sky with imaginary fountain pen...

Dreams for you dreams for me
Dreams that were for no one else to see
To flutter with wings that spread wide apart
To collect precious delights for filling the cart
Little birds we were, in love with the sky
The urge for blue....a reason enough to fly

We covered thousands miles without being weary
Distress was the word absent in our dictionary!!!

Do you remember when we just had yesterday in our store?

The thought for tomorrow sent to a far-off ignore

And today was the time in our heart and soul

And today was the day which defined our goal
Living the present was all you taught me
And I taught you how to forget destiny......

Do you remember the time we made the world our playground?

We jumped and grinned in that happiness, so profound!

We painted the sky with crimson red and flowers radiant yellow

Touched all around with surreal magic and a scintillating glow

We nurtured our relations with love and proximity

Never letting distrust even tread their viscinity

And even if there was a speck of quandary

We held our hand during this revelry

As life was nothing but a ceremony for us

To be enjoyed with emotions so very boisterous

Do you remember the night when darkness gripped

With a mist so impervious that we nearly conceived

The myth to break free, the courage not to stay

It was then that the faith in each other came to play

We realized what wonders can hope make in reality

Because the inner self was a strength not to go in futility

Thus with you I won a victory glorious

And a belief even stronger, truly miraculous

This was how the journey was traversed

A bliss impeccable, not a single moment cursed

This was how I felt while growing old with you

An experienced that can be achieved only by a few

Even now when the wrinkled eyes gape at your dusty portrait

The wedding kiss comes to my mind with a feeling more than great!

Remembering You..........

One of those few gifted days when there is a rendezvous between just you and me......Rest all are lost in oblivion......Those few days when people around me have severed themselves from me....No happiness, no misery, just one feeling and that is you Dada...... Yes, after all, what are you now more than that, if I am to materialize? Bunch of cherishing memories, sudden echoes of masculine giggles audible in a gust of wind, trail os silent tears, impenetrable tranquility, in which exists you and only you......
You know, today, devoid of any introduction, 'King' came to my mind...... Yes that crazy dog of yours, who used to eat everything around. Didn't even spare my shoes, that schmuck. No, don't you dare frown!! And then his terrifying demise flashed before my vision.......Poor creature.......
Some days ago I was going through dusty albums seeking for photographs which have captured you and me together. After two days of futile effort of gaping at old tarnished pictures I recalled that silly promise which we made of taking no pictures of ours, thinking we will never need them, obvious of the fact of never segregating from each other.We were too hasty to define our destiny brother.Separation was a mighty joke for us back then but little did we know that fate has a nasty habit of playing pranks with mortals. It snatched your hand from mine and here I am dying to get one sight of your dear face but deprived of any. Life is nothing but an unjust gamble, a biased probability.........
This is a world weary of despondence Dada. People around you only want to see you happy, and when your eyes are swollen out of crying, when your face is wrinkled out of wailing, they do not want to take even a glimpse of that. Sometimes I feel that I want my loved ones to be happy not because of the sake of their delight but  more because of the sake of my peace. People are scared of providing compassion, too much insouciant to cry at your grief. You know sometimes I make that imbecile folly of declaring our departed relation to be surreal and every time by doing that I end up making a fool of it.......I totally accept the blame. Forgive me if possible..........
The past years have gone with the wind but things relating to you have hardly altered. Even recent times are accompanied by midnight madness, choking pathos, excruciating pain and trauma which portrays your loss.......The incurable wound......Yes it has become sordid with time but even old scratches hurt when pricked......
You went and with you went our guffaws, our delightful screams, the unsullied completeness of my life, the spectacular love, the undemanding friendship and lastly the reason to live........You know, off late when I committed a precarious tomfoolery, my friends rebuked me as selfish.......But am I that brother? Tell me am I that??? Had I been selfish I would have accompanied you to paradise the very day you set for its journey.......But I let you go and I stayed, I breathed, I grinned, I enjoyed, I lived life as we used to say 'queen-size' just for the sake of others........Then why? Why have I been tagged selfish? Just because of those very rare occasions during which the yearn to meet you surpasses all other worldly ties and I am unable to resist myself? I vowed to you that even if the urge takes a toll over me I'll not allow to culminate to an end......And I won't break my resolution, not the one given to you at least......Even then I am rechristened as a 'psycho bitch'.....Hilarious for sure.Years of pretension goes to vain....Alas!!
Even now I get wet in July in the after hour rains......Twice to be precise....On my birthday to feel the girl I was and on your death day to feel You...... And oh yes I do succeed in the effort  though the heart wishes something more than an inscrutable feeling.........
A cloud of question accumulating at the corner of my mind......may be another proof of my insanity......but am I not living enough for others and more for you, or rather your reminiscence? Only you could answer this but even the voice has perished leaving behind a helpless sister and her unfailing emotions......