Relations

What are they? Things which bind our life in some way or the other?? A bunch of abstract emotions which end up becoming the assets of our life??? Which co-exist with our entity till  its last breath ??.....Relations comprise all of the above :-) Every relations has its own definition, own significance, distinct and important in its own way, leaves its footprints at place which none can occupy......Whats more fascinating is the variety in which they appear before us.....Some formal, some informal, some of friendship, of love, of care, of warmth making our life radiant and elegant........ While others are of hatred, of anguish, of contempt, offspring of Adam's sins....... Some like that of a mother and her child are unsullied. They bloom in our life with fragrance and grandeur, offers it a new vitality and grow old only to strengthen their roots......Some are tender, passionate, over-flowing with emotions like that between two lovers. No matter how much you caress it with utmost concern, left secluded for a while it fears of wilting dry.....Some are carefree, flutter in their own vigor yet never tend to tire, never tend to fade out.....And then comes the last type in the clan that is unnamed rather indescribable.....

Often there exist a colloquy that "this relation just left my hand".......But this, I believe, is the most hilarious of all misconceptions possible......Relations never leave us altogether and even if they do their antonyms come and substitute their places.......Think of a couple seeking for divorce.........A grim story to visualize....but point lies that the moment the divorce gets executed their conjugal relation obliterates only to give birth to the relation of "exes".......He becomes the 'ex-husband' and she becomes the 'ex-wife'.Strange but prosaically true....Apart from relations that are cognate, there are some which jump from the bush all of a sudden.......much like a gusty blow of wind........They might not be perpetual in their stay but makes their tenure felt all through our life........A whirlwind affair, a stormy friendship or even an estranged brotherhood------All of them have terminate only to poke your heart intermittently..Some bring with them aroma of a long lost flora while others are accompanied by ghastly trauma.......However either case can be equated like a nostalgia felt while turning the lemon pages of your old diary!!!

And then to name the misnomer, and then to define the undefined......I speak of the last category I mentioned.......It includes relations to which we are entwined yet we do not consciously connect......What is the feel when you gaze from the window of your moving vehicle at an urchin sleeping sleeping by the pavement? Its a relation of sympathy........What do you feel when you hold the hand of a blind man trying to cross the road? Its a relation of social duty......What do you feel while watching sunlight beautifully scintillating on the ripples of a lake? Its what The great Wordsworth felt, a relation of admiration...Yes all unspoken emotions attaching us to nature, rather to everything around us, in relations which do not coin a name from the usual jargon. How intricately are they knit, yet they do not tangle-------fine works of a weaver as if. Such is the beauty of subtlety......Amazing to appreciate!!! Think from the mind of the rationalist you might feel that they are mere 'excess', enough to congest your life.... But look from a poet's heart, it is this relation with nature which might make you enjoy few idle hours of a tranquil afternoon when you are left with no errand other than recounting the monotony of life......

 And with this note I feel grateful that I can relate myself...to thoughts, to people, to surroundings and last but not the least to my own entity.......I end realizing every relation is precious, just adds to the completeness of my social being.........

Sigh!!!

It was a spring you know

With warmth after a heavy snow

With blossom and bloom

With chirp at the loom

But the earth was sordid

Not a place for the splendid

And my tears are a part of it

To mess the elegance so well-knit

Raise me up from this fall

Oh Almighty I need from you just a call

Cause to flutter in glee is its deed

Its just that it was left uncared

And a ruthless unknown was what I feared

Why was it enticed?

And then utterly surprised

To feel the bliss for the moment

And then alone it was left

Why was it summoned?

But when it did go there

You were not any near

It was left to die and famish

But Oh Almighty it’s too precious to perish

More so when it was a spring you know

With radiance after a heavy snow

I offer to every gay heart

All the delights from my cart

They might not be any more of my use

But they’ll give you content you won’t refuse

The spring to me might be a tragedy satirical

But you lucky souls should not waste its beauty, its magical

Oh almighty you might not wipe my tears

But don’t deprive the dying, ailing from their share

As far as comes the concern of my tear

It does not need any further admirer

They watch it yet don’t realize

They just hurl plaintive advice

Which in turn make it suffocate

Instead of helping to overcome and emulate

I wanted a drop of love to meet the thirst

Was this a demand too unjust?

Perhaps it was for you and Him

Though I did not want it till the brim

Just enough to make the heart not wilt

Not to make the water dry before leaving the silt

Especially when it was a spring you know

With warmth after a heavy snow

Recovery

I don't really know what to name this post of mine........Of late I've been often delivering deliberate confused statements that begin with phrases like "I don't know", " I can't figure" etc. as life is continually making me travel a loop.....But its just at one of those many moments of self-realization when pictures before my eyes are less blurred that I made my mind to write up something in this apparently passive blog of mine........No I won't blame time or pressure for my irregular blogging.......Rather it was an intense grip of lethargy added to recurring delusions that sent the pen of my mind almost to oblivion........The last month has been full of incidents.......though every day had the same sordid color of a grim monotony lingering to it, the exercises which it offered to me were always novel...This is what you might say "heights of oxymoron".....What was new to me absolutely was the changed self of mine which at some point of time , like a true lover of colors , used to paint her days with VIBGYOR even if the sky had a sheath of cloud, but now even she has become adapted to grey......*SIGH*

Life, as I always believed, is a jukebox of incidents and there was enough of it......Adventure I mean......They made me vibrant, the emotions which moulded my heart all these years rippled beautifully in it and there used to be a perpetual sunshine in the world that existed there, with the ripples scintillating in the radiance of my own Sun which, according to me, was my personal beacon of hope,courage, confidence or whatsoever........ However lately the Narnia which I so dearly preserved in my bosom was also having a season of fall.......The blossom no more touched the loom...the ripples had become huge waves of turmoil which out of an engulfing hunger attempted to devour all those which defined me......My friend Tuhin was correct.....Sometimes I tag him to be obtuse, overtly-practical but matured as he is, he correctly highlighted that I was waging a combat out of no reason, was trying to be a martyr out of no need and in the end like a true piece of satire all my efforts got reduced to hilarious futility. Impulsive is how he defines me but through all his taunts and scoldings he taught me one big lesson of life which was required to be learnt.......Its good to be complacent at times in stead of reacting to each and every minuscule issues......So having enough of all possible flavours of grief, enigma and all those eerie feelings......Its time to bid adieu and say Good Riddance!!!!!!
A thing which I realized while pondering for a moment is that all this while my emotions were claustrophobic enough to choke and mutilate me.They got saturated.Long ago I heard a line of wisdom " Every relationship has a high point of its own, but if we base our expectations all the time reminiscing those high moments, the rest of the relation is bound to despond us."As a matter of fact I was just doing that.......I fought with the sweetest person I've ever came across....I was stubborn and brash at one moment but submissive at the very next.....I was, what people say compendium of contradiction........But just before it was late enough to say never the little girl rejuvenated........She came and pulled the back of my coat.......She kissed my cheeks....touched my heart with her magic and with her tender healing touch I recovered and regained myself.....It is just this moment when maybe quite unreasonably I find contentment, I find solace even a condensed salvation you might say.....

Yes I'll rise and flutter with my wings...

Yes I'll giggle and charm with my grin...

Yes I'll love with all my passion......

And never let my heart fall short of compassion....
Just as I was uttering this mantra of the new-found vigour of life,the girl left.......I couldn't even ask her name......Who was she? An angel? A magi? Or was she just the very little child in me on whom I have unleashed ruthless atrocities out of no cause? Whoever she was, I pray she rules and rescues others in the same way.......While heartfelt gratitude is being dedicated to her,I am hereby driving breeze towards my own Narnia........I just got it back.......What?????? Sunshine, spring, VIBGYOR, melody, delight,in short......A Complete Bliss!!!!!!!

ইতি তোমার

দুটো শালিখ পাখি  ঝগড়া  করছিল  দুপুর  বেলায় আর  কবিতাটা  মনে  পরে  গেল

“তিনটি  শালিখ ঝগড়া  করে  রান্না ঘরের  চালে ”

হারমুনিউমটায়  ধুলো  পরে  গেছে বহুদিনের ………গীতবিতান খোলাই হয় না ……কিন্তু তুমি  আছ  ,আমার সাথেই আছ, আমার পাশে ………একটা দমকা হাওয়ায় ,একটা বৃষ্টি ভেজা বিকেলে ,একটু চাঁদের আলোয়…..আর অনেকখানি আবেগ নিয়ে,অনেকটা হৃদয় জুড়ে ……দিনগুলো অনেক বদলে গেছে জানো ………আগে শুধু আমি ছিলাম, তুমি চিলে, গান ছিল, লেখা ছিল…….ছিল চারুলতা , ছিল সোহিনী, ছিল মৃনালিনী , ছিল বিনোদিনী,ছিল nostalgia ……….আর, দাদা ছিল ………..এখন  দাদা নেই ,ওরাও আর মনের দরজায় টোকা দেয় না, শুধু  আমি আছি আর  আছে দীর্ঘ্য্বাস ………..আর তুমি ? তুমি  ছিল , আছ  আর  থাকবে………..

কাল গান গাইলাম বহুদিন  পরে ………রাতের বেলায়, আশাবরী রাগ ধরলাম আর বহু বহু দিন পর ফিরে পেলাম ....... কাকে ??...... নিজেকে......

জানো রবি ঠাকুর আমি হারিয়ে গিয়েছিলাম কি একটা খুজতে গিয়ে………না পারা গুলো কে পারব করতে গিয়ে …….না গুলো কে হাঁ করতে গিয়ে …….বিনোদিনীর বিহারী খুজতে গিয়ে …….দৌড়তে গিয়ে , বড় হতে গিয়ে,শিখতে গিয়ে, উপরে উঠতে গিয়ে………আমি হাপিয়ে গেলাম, হেরে  গেলাম আর তারপর যে গুলো তুমি শিখিয়েছিলে সেগুলো ভুলে গেলাম……..ভুলে গেলাম গান করতে …….ভুলে গেলাম উড়ে যেতে……ভুলে গেলাম  “তোমার খোলা হাওয়া লাগিয়ে পালে” গা ভাসতে……..

এখন আর  পঁচিশে  বৈশাখে আমরা সবাই নাচ করি না আমরা তোমার সুরে……..বড্ড ব্যস্ত কিনা …….শুধু তোমার ছবিটার সামনে এখনো দাড়াই  মাঝে মাঝে আর ওই গানটা খুজি “যেদিন পরবে না মোর পায়ের চিন্হ ” আর তখন খুঁজে পাই তোমাকে, দাদাকে……..মনের শান্ত অচিন কোনে…….

কলকাতাটাও পাল্টে গেল পাঁচ বছরে অনেকটা………তবে একা রাস্তায় হাঠলে এখনো ভালো লাগে……..তার কথা মনে পরে, তার হাথ ধরতে ইচ্চ্ছে করে……..চিঠিটা এখনো রেখে দিয়েছি রবি ঠাকুর……….এখন পরলে হাসি  পায়…..কতবার তোমায় জিজ্ঞেস করলাম দেওয়ার আগে ঠিক করছি তো…….আর তুমি হেসে গাইলে “প্রাণ চায় চক্খু  না চায়”…….বহু দিন হযে গেছে……..বাক্স বন্দী স্মৃতি গুলো এখন হাসির খোরাক ছাড়া আর কি ? শুধু ধুলো …………

তবে এখনো যখন বারান্দায় দাড়িয়ে বাতাসের সাথে মিশে যেতে চাই কি একটা যেন ছুয়ে যায় রবি ঠাকুর……….কি বলতো ? কে জানে…..বোধহয়   তোমার সেই “অতিথি” …..”তারাপদ”……….এখনো ইচ্চ্ছে করে ওর সাথে হারিয়ে যেতে…….অসীমের উদ্দেশ্যে অজানার খোজে…….বোধহয় ও হাথছানি দেয়………কিন্তু আমি এখন আর উড়তে পারি না যে ঠাকুর………বিহন্গতার ডানা গুলো কেটে দিয়েছে………পায়ে শেকল পরেছে …..সে হযেছে " খাঁচার পাখি ”……..কিন্তু তার তো উত্স “জীবনস্মৃতি”……..তাই তার প্রেমিক তো হবেই সেই তোমার ছেলেবেলার “বনের পাখি ”……….তুমি ঠিক বলেছ “সীমা আর অসীমের মিলন অপারগের মনের সপ্ন ”…….

তোমাকে বলিনি রবি ঠাকুর এখনো আমি রাত জাগি, ঘুম খুঁজি , গান খুঁজি……….বালিশের কোলে মাথা রাখি না……..গুমরে কেঁদে উঠি, আর কাজল  ভাষা অশ্রুর সাথে জলকেলি করতে করতেই আমি হাত বাড়াই………আমি ধরতে চাই…….এক মুঠো স্বপ্ন……..আর সেই “বনের পাখিটিকে” যে ধরা দেয় না প্রেমের খোলশে, চিঠির শব্দে কিংবা উথলে পরা আবেগের জোয়ারে ভেসে আসে না আমার কাছে………

তোমাকে এখনো বুঝতে পারিনা রবি ঠাকুর………তোমার অনেক কথার সুর খুঁজে পাইনা ……..কিন্তু যেগুলো ধরা দেয় আমার মনের চার দেয়ালে…….সেগুলো আঁকড়ে ধরে থাকি …….কারণ সেগুলোই তো হলো আমার “বেঁচে থাকার গান”…….আকাশপানের মধুর চিত্রলিপি এখনো ধরা দেয় মনের খেয়ালপটে…….আর “সাদা মেঘের ভেলার” আড়ালে  এখনো দেখা দাও তুমি…….আমার রবি ঠাকুর ……….আমার প্রানের পথিক……অনেক দিন পর গল্প হলো…….লেখা হলো….আর সবই হলো তোমার আমার একান্তে…….

ইতি তোমার,

খাচার পাখি

And yet I dream again….

A serene idle afternoon of the metropolis……. A pensive hour on bed…….The soothing breeze kissing my cheeks…..A fading hum of a known melody…….And then I thought as I drank the wine of solitude…..The rhythm of life……”The Rhythm Divine”…….

When we first learnt to walk

We stumbled but then rose back again.

Little did we give a thought

What a lesson this effort taught us then.

To fail and to seek a chance

To watch success even though for a glance

When hopes are broken like brittle glassware

The sting of defeat pricks us hard

In spite of that we nurture, unaware,

                Novel thoughts only to discard

The sordid saga of hapless misery

                And gain as well a quick recovery.

When the last time I broke my heart

                With the endless trail of pungent tear

I hardly knew that months apart

                A smiling face might just appear

Not only to caress me with a healing touch

                But also to set an end to my search

And just when this thought was sinking in

                You set my heart free from your bond

Again came back the tale of ending

                Of which, by now, am quite fond

Because quite well I’ve learnt the lesson

                Never ever to cease dreaming again

The world might not be surreal enough

                But you don’t gape at it when you weave

The intricate knits of imaginations

                Which are the only things that never leave

So I see with eyes wide open

                My fairy tales get wet in the last hour rain……